The cool air blows down here from the north, and the yellow, orange, and brown leaves all settle on the ground. The fall air is cool outside so that all the little houses will be glowing red through their little windows from heaters. Marching season is over. Time flows through my schedule like the leaves fall to the ground. My life on the outside cools down so that inside my thoughts can glow, like red coals keeping a fire burning.
So much of my living feeds from thought. From introspection. It’s really easy to loose touch with a friend because you haven’t gotten to spend much time together. I think the same goes with yourself. It’s really easy for me to loose track of who I am. I need the time to spend examining myself and seeing who I really am. Seeing the things I need to change in me. The same thing goes for God.
The most important thing in a relationship, besides love, is time. As of late I have reorganized my morning routine to fit in more time for God. I wake up every morning and start off reading a chapter in the Bible. I’ve been reading through 1 Corinthians. It’s been an amazing book. God finds something to tell me with every chapter. Something I need to work on more is prayer. Prayer is really just a conversation with God. It’s so hard for me though because a lot of times I seem to get this idea like God is just a concept that I’m supposed to sit and dwell on, but the thing is is that God is a person. Someone with a personality, who I can have a relationship with. Prayer is the way I can spend time with God.
All of this time to spend getting to know myself and God better has been awesome, but the truth is I feel sad a lot of times. I feel like I’ve somehow stretched out my friends thin, like butter on bread. I have a lot of friends, but no real close friends. I have good friends in church, people that I hang out with at school, and other people that I know. But, when I’m not at school I don’t really communicate or spend time with my school friends. Same goes for church friends. Without that little aspect of time I’ve failed to really build any close relationships that bleed through to just knowing each other. I feel really alone sometimes when I’m away from everyone. I sit there thinking about all of them doubting that they’re thinking about me. I don’t have anyone that I can call when I just want to talk. There’s no song I can sing or prose I can write that will fill the hole in me, the only thing that can fill that is a real, true, deep relationship with another human being.
So I sit here in this dark, warm room. I’m sure if I were outside it would be glowing red. I sit here with my thoughts and with God holding me in his lap. I wish that a bird would just fly me away, I wish you would come with me tonight. What do you say?