Well, here it is. Summer is officially ending. I keep trying to convince myself that if I don’t believe that tomorrow will happen that maybe it won’t come, but it seems that there is objective truth. It seems that regardless of what I want or what I believe time will pass and when dawn breaks I will be heading to Kempner High School again.
What I simply can’t believe is that I’m a senior. I have no idea what that looks like or means. I remember looking up at the seniors and saying to myself, Those guys have it all together. But here I am and I just don’t feel that way. I’m asking myself, Did they have doubts? Did they have weird social situations? and it’s crazy to think that maybe they never did have it all down like I thought they did. But here I go, plunging headfirst into senior year. I got a taste of it tonight. I led worship for a thing at church.
Because Bryan and Steve (the seniors who used to lead worship a lot) weren’t there.
Because they’re in college now.
I guess I haven’t had a hard time acknowledging that they were being promoted to someone in college or even telling people, “I’m going to be a senior!” But, here I am. And it seems really hard to say, “I am a senior.” It seems really hard to promote myself to that level. I don’t know. I just can’t believe it.
—I’ve decided to take the rest of this entry to throw out some goals for myself in a public place. You guys can keep tabs on me and check up and make sure that I’m doing these things. In fact, please do.
- Exercise. Not that I’m fat or anything. I just want to get my body in better shape. As a lazy American I find myself having a hard time catching my breath when I run. My way of solving this is to set out a time every morning before school to do cardiovascular exercises such as jogging or jump rope.
- Deeper, closer relationship with God. There a few spiritual disciplines that I will be attempting.
- Scripture. After my exercise time in the morning I plan on coming inside, grabbing a bottle of water, and diving into scripture for awhile. It doesn’t have to be a whole lot, but I plan on just reading through various books a chapter a day.
- Prayer. After reading scripture in the mornings I want to spend some time in prayer or journaling some reflections on what I’ve just read. Who knows what sort of blog entries you’ll find yourself reading as a result!
- Sabbath. The challenging part about this is that our culture doesn’t revolve around it. In fact, our culture finds it hard to even take a break for an hour, much less 24 of them. Even today (Sunday), I had to work from 12-5! There’s no escape from work. But my hope is to take (as often as I can) a day off here and there in order to just relax and focus on God. We’ll see how this one goes down.
- Journal and Blog. I find it very important for me to take time to sit and let my thoughts flow. Whether it be in a public or a private way. Not only is this good for introspection, but it will also give me something to look back on in future years so I can remember all the things I went through, good or bad.
- School. In high school I’ve never been too terribly serious with my studies. This year I have a goal to actually pay attention and not procrastinate! If there is a project I want to begin it straight away. If I have to read a book, I want to read it (this one is already shot because of summer reading). I hope to be more serious about these things this year.
- Free time. When I’m not journaling and blogging I want to spend my free time reading. I waste too much time on this wretched computer. I don’t want to do that this year. I own so many wonderful books that I should read. And I plan on doing just that. Reading.
These are simply a few. Maybe I’ll even add more later. This is what I can think of for now. I sure hope you all keep me on track. And now comes there scary part: going to sleep so I can wake up tomorrow, jog, read scripture, pray, and go to school. God, be with me!
Yes, you are a senior. Maybe you can understand how hard it is for me to believe that I am as old as I am now that you are having the same problem with your feelings about being a senior. It seems that whether we think we are ready for it or not, life continues to march on, we become older, we have to do things we thing we aren’t prepared for, and it can be overwhelming at times. Trust me, most of the seniors (both high school seniors and AARP seniors) have felt just like you and I do in the past. It was overwhelming to me as a high school senior too, and then going to college. And having kids, as though I was ever prepared to be a parent. Hang in there. You will get through it all in fine form.
I’m proud of all the things you plan to do and goals you want to meet. You’re a better person than I am. I can hardly get up at 6 a.m. to get ready for work now, much less exercise and read my Bible. You have much more self discipline than I do. Keep it up. Maybe some day your mom will do better like you are!
I love the sound of you keeping your grades up! WOO HOO!!! Shouldn’t be hard for you. You are very smart…just need to apply yourself.
I’m proud to be your mom. Just keep on keeping on and looking to God for your strength.