I took a nap yesterday.
It was amazing.
I woke up from it feeling so refreshed.
I’ve been so ridiculously busy since school started. I’ve hardly had a moment to spare. It’s like one of those jogs I take in the morning. I have to keep going. Out of breath? Keep jogging. Tired? Keep jogging. Sore? Keep jogging. Oh well, I’ve already botched that. I’ve pretty much botched all those goals I wrote out in my last entry. That’s alright though, no one was grading me.
It seems like when we get so busy it’s easy to just live. Live a skeletal existence. Getting by on only what is necessary. I just wade through the shallow parts of life, never letting myself into the places where it becomes deeper. With this sort of existence one will never see beauty. Beauty is not a snack. Beauty is a feast. In Life of Pi, Pi hadn’t realized how beautiful the ocean was because he had only ever seen it while rushing along the top on a boat. He said that it was like trying to see all the beauty of a rain forest while driving by at 60 mph in your car. Life is the same way. Beauty cannot be feasted upon quickly. Introspection is necessary. Time to slow down and bring myself deeper. But, I’ve gone with taking little snacks of life, with jogging through life without rest, with just the bottom of my feet touching the water.
For the past week I’ve felt so dry. My throat has been parched for some kind of drink. It’s as if I’ve been operating on an empty tank. Pushing on, pushing on. I remember earlier years. Much like I wasn’t able to drive, I wasn’t really driving my life. My mom drove me places. She drove me to school, to piano lessons, to Boy’s Choir, to church. She drove me through my homework. She drove me through life. Now I drive. I drive myself to school, home from musical rehearsal, to work, to church, to be with friend’s. I drive my life too. It’s so tiring. Life is a heavy thing. It’s like an upside down box that I’m pushing from the inside without help. That’s the mistake I’ve made.
Life is more than simply eating, drinking, and getting tasks done. Life should be a journey, an adventure. Adventures aren’t about getting to the end. Adventures are about taking part in the beauty all around. And life should not be done alone. One will only become weary. Life is a communal thing. We are given each other so that we may do life together and bring one another love and joy.
All of this beauty that I have spoken of is inside of God. For who can eat or enjoy anything apart from him?1 So, this week, I reach up to God and ask for His living water.2 As I wade deeper into the waters of life, I hope that I can draw nearer to God. I will spend this week searching for God and depending on God. I will wait quietly for salvation from the Lord.3
1. Ecclesiastes 2:25
2. John 2:10
3. Lamentations 3:25-26